Tammy Brown's Letter of Love

"Let me begin by telling you a little bit of my story. In November of 1989, I had a baby girl that died at birth. I was devastated, to say the least. This was the first experience of death for me. I was filled with grief, loss, anger and confusion. I had no idea how to deal with these feelings or how to let go of them.

That is where Peter Teekamp comes in. I met Peter in 1994. Peter's paintings are very special. They all have a very positive meaning to them. A lot of them are spiritual or heavenly. I began thinking how special it would be to have a painting of my little angel, Amanda. Little did I know how much Peter and this painting were going to help me let go of all the sadness I was holding inside.

Since my daughter's death I had only a few things to remember her by; two Polaroid's, her footprints, a lock of her hair, her little hat and her ashes. Occasionally, through the years, I would take these things out and have a good cry, but I never felt 'at peace.'

Planning this painting with Peter was such a healing experience. I showed him all of my memories of her. I told him how the Polaroid's didn't resemble how I remembered her when I held her for that short time. He took from the pictures of her and my memory and came up with a beautiful little girl. She was in the clouds, overlooking a tree full of angels, a brilliant rainbow and the prettiest flowers I ever saw. The best part of all was the calm, happy look on her face. When I look at her now in this painting I feel she's in a wonderful place and that someday I will see her again.

Having this painting has helped me work through a lot of unsettled feelings. I can't express how much Peter has helped me through this. Before we started this painting, when I thought of my daughter, I felt sadness and loss. Now when I look at my painting on my wall, I feel like a part of her is always with me."

Stairs To Heaven

I was about nine years old when I had my bedroom decorated. It had taken me and mum days to do and I was really pleased with it. The very same day after it was finished, my Nan came to visit, she was the picture of health for her age. She didn't eat fatty foods and she virtually everywhere. It was a surprise when I ask her to come see my room.

It was upstairs on the third floor, but she didn't mind. "OK Rexilia but it might cause me to die of heart attack tomorrow, though," she laughed at what she had said to me. She then came to see my room. The following day I woke up in the best of moods, went down stairs to have a bowl of corn flakes and a glass of orange juice.

My mum hadn't said a word all morning, I knew there was something wrong I could just tell. I summoned up the courage to ask just what was bothering her. She said "Rexilia I'm afraid I've got some bad news. Nanny died early this morning of heart attack." I ran up to my room in fits of tears. I blamed myself for what had happened. It was I who made her walk up the stairs. This was not the end of Nan! That same night I had a dream that had my Nan kept on saying second left shelf in the wardrobe.

The next morning I checked in my wardrobe all the shelves were empty apart from the second left shelf which had a piece of that A5 notepad lined paper on which had the holes where it had been ring bound. It read, "Do not worry Rexilia it was not your fault, as you nor I knew this would
Happen-it was just coincidence."

I had no idea what was going on as there was always the chance that Mum had written it but it was in Nanny's handwriting. The dream and the stairs it had to be more than just coincidence. I confronted my mum and asked her if she'd written the letter she told me I had hallucinated there was no letter but Was sure of what I'd seen.

A week later none of my friends new about my Nan. That's what made it so strange. I bumped into Samantha in our local shopping center and she said "I saw your Nan earlier she said something like tell Rexilia not to worry and to meet me in McDonald at 4:30."

This was extremely strange because Nan was dead and also because no one else knew my full name they just called me Rexy. So I went to McDonald. I ordered a Big Mac meal and went to sit down in the corner where I was away from everyone that way and no would stare at me. In the bottom of my chip bag was the very same letter which was in my room!

Then as I shook my head in disbelief my hair went into a French plat like Nan used to do it luckily no one was watching. That night I went home and confronted my Mum again and she just told me I was being silly because when I picked up the paper to bring to show to my Mum it disintegrated. I stopped bothering trying and persuade my Mum from then onwards. After that the strange things just stopped happening -- it took ages to recover from what had happened but what was worst was I had to recover alone.

A Stranger Brings A Message

A few months after my father passed away my sister was at work and was approached by a total stranger. This woman said that she had a message from my father. My sister told her that she must have the wrong person because my dad had passed away. The woman said yes, she knew that and that John (she mentioned my dad's name and also gave information that no one else would know to verify the truth and even mentioned that he died from heart failure) wanted us to know that he was happy, free from pain, and that we, the kids, need to pay more loving attention to mom and make sure that she's o.k. and watch over her. My sister was quite shaken up, had to leave work immediately, and rushed home to tell the rest of the family about our message from dad. They were very comforting words to hear. This lady we later found out, assists local police locate details, lost bodies, solve crimes.

Love Never Dies

She was 92 and was quickly aging within the last couple of months, so we had to put her in a nursing home as she couldn't walk anymore or take care of herself. (She was living with my Grandmother... (her daughter) Well, in the nursing home, she obtained a serious infection in her foot which couldn't be treated because she was too fragile for surgery, so she was rushed to the hospital for other treatment. We were told by the nurses that she wouldn't last another day..at the most 2, so I stayed with her for the most part.

The night before she died, I couldn't sleep at all, so I sat with her for hours...then became scared for some reason. I called my husband to come stay with me..(around 2 am) When he arrived I still couldn't sleep, so I sat with her all night and talked to her and brushed her hair. Well, around 5 am I decided to lay down in the other bed and I feel asleep.

Well, I kept having dream after dream about her (and maybe her wanting to be alone to die)...The last dream I had of her was of her trying to get up on her knees and she was pushing pillows off the bed, so I ran towards her bed to help her and she held out her hand as if to stop me. I then looked at her and told her I loved her and she told me she loved me, so I stepped closer to her bed and she stopped me again. I then screamed..."BUT I LOVE YOU GRANDMA" and she gave me a firm look as if to tell me it was time for me to leave...She then got on her hands and knees and then stood up in her bed and stretched her arms out. She looked like a younger, healthier version of herself.

I then woke up and woke my husband up and told him we needed to leave. It was hard for me as I didn't want to leave her alone without any family there, but I felt this strong urge to leave. Before I left, I held her hand and covered her up better and brushed her hair. Then we left. By the time we got home...(about 10- minutes later) The hospital called to tell me she had died.

I just thought it was so strange and wondered if she was hanging on to life all night, since I wouldn't leave. Or if my dream really meant that she wanted to be alone to die. It was hard for her in the end to have people take care of her because she was so independent. Maybe she didn't want anyone to see her die?

Well, later that day, I called my sister and we were talking when all of a sudden a small vibrating noise came through the phone...it started out low. then crescendo into a louder vibrating sound. IN the background of all this was a soft purring sound as well. My sister and I both heard it start and just became silent through the whole noise. It then decrescendo but the purring sound remained throughout our conversation. It was a noise I'd never heard before on the phone line. I wasn't even on a cordless phone (where sometimes you can get noises) I'm wondering if it was her or not.

Then...the next day, without even thinking about it....her scent would appear on my hand...then later it was in the air. It was a sweet smell....a scent that she had while I was near her in the hospital. So. I guess she really was near. It's something that's never happened to me before... yet it was so touching.